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May 1999 Entries

Saturday May 23 - 1999
More on Prom

Now is the time when I need to decide whether or not to go to prom in drag. It's coming up soon, so I either need to reserve a tux before they run out (this actually happened to me last year! I almost had an excuse to wear a dress but then a friend let me borrow his tux), or I need to make plans to go in drag. If I do it, I wanna go all out...Get my hair done professionally, maybe get a make-over, etc. So here's what's up: I've made some progress. I actually got up the nerve to ask my prom date if she'd mind if I went in drag, and she said she'd be open to it. (She's pretty open minded.) I told her I wanted to go out with a bang since I've been to three proms before and this is my last one. (Who knows if she bought it.) Anyway, so this was good, but when I asked other friends if I should do it, both friends who knew I crossdressed and friends who didn't all were pretty ambiguous about it. Every one was like, "If you want, I guess..." I don't have a flock of girls willing to dress me up like the kid who came to school in drag did, and I don't have much of an excuse to do it either (I didn't lose a bet or anything). In other words, I have no support. Now, I do want to go to prom in drag, but do I want to do everything myself (go to a hairdresser myself, get a dress myself, etc.)? And what to I tell my parents? Telling them I'm going in drag as a joke feels awkward, but not telling them could be suspicious. Crap. Basically, I still have the option of going in drag, but only if I do everything myself. Isn't that a little suspicious? Please give me your thoughts.

Saturday May 22 - 1999

I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to go to prom in drag. Really! :) I want to go out with a bang, I want to express myself, and I have no reason to be concerned about fitting in anymore because after prom, I'll never see a lot of these people again. But here's the thing. My prom date has never been to prom before, and we're not really that good friends...A friend set us up together. I've been to prom three times before, and she has not, so it's a lot more special to her. So how do I bring this up to her? I thought about the idea of her wearing the tux and me wearing the dress, but she's already bought her prom dress and she's not at all my size. I know some other kids are doing some funky stuff... At least one kid is wearing a kilt. (I go to a pretty liberal school). But what can I do to let her know that I want to go in drag?? Help!

A student wears a dress to school

So, my school's student government elections were held a few weeks ago, and one of the guys who was running for a position promoted his campaign by saying if he won the election, he would wear a dress to school. Well, he won, and last thursday he wore a dress to school. But there was something fishy about it. For one thing, I'm not sure who came up with the idea, weather it was he or someone else. Did he plan this for himself, or was he just going along with it? For another, he actually went through with what he said he'd do in his campaign, when in real life no politician ever does that. :-) But here's the most interesting part about it all...He didn't just wear a dress. No, he got together with a bunch of female friends before school and went *all out*...They french braided his hair, did his nails, and put lipstick, mascara, blush, etc. on him. Honestly, he looked *awesome*. He looked prettier as a girl than he looks handsome as a guy. He even actually passed, kind of...Several people thought he was a girl until either they recognized him or someone else clued them in. It was amazing, and he really seemed to enjoy himself. So my question is this--I've predicted that some other guys in my class were crossdressers, but so far I've only found out if one actually was, and he wasn't. I know this because he's my friend and I've come out to him, and he's crossdressed before but he's not really into it. But am I right about this kid that came to school? Is he a crossdresser, or is he just insane? :)

Here's the disturbing part. Although I was hoping he'd win the election and was secretly cheering for him every second that he was in drag, I caught myself several times almost bashing him. I'd be with a group of guys and one would be like, "did you see that?" and another would be like, "yeah, it was disgusting!" And I caught myself several times almost joining in and making a comment like that. I guess I'm afraid that I have to make comments like that or otherwise I'll be suspicious or something. God damn. I only have a few weeks left of school, and I keep trying to convince myself that it doesn't make a difference what I do, I don't care what people think, but yet I'm still automatically trying to fit in by bashing others. *sigh.*

Why didn't I support him? Stick up for him? I mean, I know he was purposely making a fool of himself, but I still could have done something. Maybe I'll write an article in the student newspaper about transgendered issues or something now that the topic has been brought up. Would that be too suspicious?

Also, I've come out to a few friends as a crossdresser, and he has not. And he's already come to school in drag. Why can't I? Damn.

(end of journal entries)

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