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June 1999 Entries

Sunday, June 15 - 1999
Bye!

Bye guys! I can't say where I'm going, but I leave Thursday to go traveling and won't be back until july 21st. I'll miss you!

So I went to prom in a tux...Sorry to disappoint some of you. My mom didn't want me to go in drag. I did however come fully out to another one of my friends, and she's cool with it. She knew a little bit about my tendencies, but I've never actually talked to her about it. Now I have and everything's great. She's actually keeping my prom dress at her house over the summer so that I don't have to hide it. The dress is bigger and more fragile than my other belongings, so this was very nice to have her do this.

See you in July!

love julia

Sunday, June 13 - 1999
Defeat

So I'm going to prom in a tux. I tried telling my mom that I was going to prom in drag and she was disgusted. I was like, "I think I'm going to prom in a dress." And she was like, "And?" And I was like, "I think it'd be funny." And she was like, "And?" Then I said "A lot of people have been trying to convince me to." "And?" "A lot of people thought it'd be funny." "And?" "My prom date said she was ok with it." "And?" And I stopped, and then she asked if I wanted to hear her reaction, and I did, and she said, "my reaction is 'ick.'" She didn't think it'd be funny, she thought I'd be making a fool of my prom date and her parents, and she said that'd be the type of thing I would do if I was a crossdresser or if I was gay or something. That actually made me feel better: It means either she doesn't know I'm a crossdresser.

When she said it was something a crossdresser would do, I just grinned at her...I'm no good at lying, especially when I don't have to. But because I didn't react to those radical words "gay" and "crossdresser," she gave me a really weird look and then said, "uh oh" or something like that. I thought then that she knew, but she said instead, "if this type of thing is funny to you, does this mean you'll be doing lots of crazy things in college and you'll come home bald and with piercings?" So I don't think she knows.

We went to the tux place, it was 7:00 and they said I could pick it up from 5 to 8, but when we got there it was closed! It closed at 6:00. So we'll go back tomorrow. My only hope is that they won't give me a tux because I was supposed to pick it up yesterday, and then I'll wear a dress, but I don't think this will happen.

Oh well. This is disappointing, but it's nothing that us crossdressers don't have to deal with on a day to day basis. One of the worse parts of the job I guess.

Saturday, June 12 - 1999
I think I'm gonna do it

I graduated today! WOHOO!!! Now I have a bit more time to work on the site, though on wednesday I'm traveling and won't be near computers or be back until late July. So I'm gonna do as much work as possible on the site now while I'm still here!

I think I'm gonna do it! I think I'm gonna wear a dress to prom. I still have one more day to decide...If I pick up the tux the last day to do it is tomorrow. But I've finally gotten a lot of positive support from friends and after one more talk with my prom date I'm pretty confident I'm gonna do it. The only thing is I haven't told my family yet...Every time I try and tell them I feel like they'll see straight through me for some reason. Oh well, they'll find out soon enough. Prom's monday. Wish me luck!

Don't worry, I'll post lots and lots of pics.

Love julia

June 6, 1999
Prom dress

I bought a prom dress today!!!! I went to the mall, and I paced back and fourth around some women's clothing sections of some stores, not able to get myself to look at the dresses. Finally I did, but didn't look too closely and didn't find anything cheap. I resigned and went to a tux place to get a tux, and got measured and put a nonrefundable down payment ($20) on it. The tux place was super busy, and I was waiting in line for about an hour, and all I could think about was getting a dress. So after I finally left the tux place I marched right into the women's clothing store and before I knew it I had bought a prom dress. I found one that didn't have a size tag on it (I don't know what size I am anyway) but looked awfully long. It was tall and skinny, like me, so I bought it. It was marked down from $134 to $69. (Alright!) It's *beautiful*...The top part is made out of crushed velvet or velour or something, and it's blueish purple and is sleeveless. The neck turns into straps which pass my neck, cross and wrap around each other, and then reach down and attach to the scoop-type back. Much of my back is exposed. The bottom part is a more bluish color and is really soft; It has two layers made of rayon or something. It turns out it isn't that tall--It just has a trail in back. Still, it's tall enough that some of the trail still touches the ground when I'm wearing it. I don't look stunning when I wear it, but I'm glad it fits me.

I chickened out on trying it on in the store, or trying on any other dresses...I had planned on coming out to a store clerk and finding something that fits, trying on a bunch of dresses and having the time of my life, but I couldn't get myself to even walk in the store with those plans in mind. So I changed my plan and pretended to be shopping for my girlfriend, which convinced me to go in. As it turns out I was asked no questions and received no funny looks, and I just bought a dress (checking the return policy first) and tried it on at home. I'm so happy it fits!

So now comes the issue of prom. This doesn't mean I'm going to prom in a dress...It just means I have the option of a tux or the option of a dress. I still have to decide! Do'h! None of my friends are either rooting for me or stopping me...They don't know what I should do either. I even went to my female friend's house friday to look at dresses, but none of them looked like they would fit. She said she'd do my hair though, if I decided to go in drag. Hmm! I'm still torn: Pros - Last chance in a lifetime to go to prom in drag, it'd be fun, it'd be funny to others, and otherwise I'd be wasting this beautiful dress. Cons - I'd have to tell my parents and siblings what I'm doing and why I'm doing it (of course I'd say it's a joke, but who knows if they'd believe me), I'm going to a pre-prom party with both kids and parents which would be VERY awkward, my prom date said I could do it but we're not really friends so I don't think she'd tell me if it made her uncomfortable, I think it would make her uncomfortable, and who knows how people would react. It could range from giggles to not being let into prom (though I don't think that would happen).

Please, I need advice! Someone tell me what to do!

Also, one of these days I'll go to my friend (who owns the digital camera)'s house with my dress and get some pics taken of me in it so you can see my new dress! I'll be gettin' digi with it. (sorry, bad joke)

Tuesday, June 1 - 1999
Even More on Prom

Are you sick of hearing about this? I'm still torn between whether to go to prom in drag or not. I recently got my pay check and have a bunch of money that I can spend on perhaps getting my hair done, getting a makeover, or maybe even buying a prom dress. So, it's definitely a possibility. But I still have several issues. For one, what will my family think? I'll need to tell them, and I'll say it is a joke but they might still disapprove and question my motives. Another is, my prom date is ok with it, but not thrilled with the idea. Do I really want to do this to her? And finally, I'm not getting any support from friends...I'd have to do everything myself. So I don't know if I can go through with this, though I really want to. Help!

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